I (hereinafter the "Wisher"), wish you (hereinafter the "Wishee(s)") without obligation, expressed or implied, the Wisher's best wishes for an environmentally-conscious, socially-responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, sugar-free, non-ageist, gender-neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your (that is, the Wishee(s)) choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
Furthermore and in conjunction therewith, notwithstanding any of the foregoing, the Wisher also wishes the Wishee(s) a fiscally-successful, personally-fulfilling and medically-uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally-accepted calendar year 2018, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country (that is, the domicilium citandi et executandi of the Wisher and/or the Wishee) great (not to imply that it is necessarily greater than any other country) and with due regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or gender preference of the Wishee(s).
By accepting this greeting, the Wishee(s) accept the following terms and conditions: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the Wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for himself or others and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the Wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the Wisher.
Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, an indeterminate number of electrons were seriously inconvenienced.
