Crazy Job Postings Part II

[#1]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[#2]

Let's see... Came across one a few weeks ago wanting to have some audio voiced to the tune of 4,000 to 5,000 words per recording, and one or two of those per week.

They said the freelancer must be US based and have no accent whatsoever, the freelancer must do all the editing and production required to deliver ready-to-publish files, and stressed that they would be getting a lot of offers, so it would help your chances if you were willing to work for less than the advertised budget.

What was that budget? $5 per 1,000 words. And they were hoping to find someone to deliver professional, polished, American-sounding voiceovers with full studio quality and ready-to-use for less than that.

I've also seen several video production postings with things like "do not bid if your hourly rate is more than $2/hour", yet they want AAA-level After Effects work done.

[#3]

LMAOOOOOOO

oh please please I have nowhere to post this. Crazy forum threads

OOPS wrong account LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

https://community.upwork.com/t5/Freelancers/Can-a-client-change-his-feedback/m-p/394897/highlight/fa...

[#4]

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@Jennifer M wrote:

LMAOOOOOOO

oh please please I have nowhere to post this. Crazy forum threads

OOPS wrong account LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

https://community.upwork.com/t5/Freelancers/Can-a-client-change-his-feedback/m-p/394897/highlight/fa...

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I just read that. What the heck (can I say that? ) is going on? Are people just randomly landing in different threads or something?  That guy just looked like he dropped in there from somewhere else. Are there problems with the transporter again?  

[#5]

LMAO 😄

[#6]

Someone today is looking for a live translator ... well he might find a few under the heap of dead ones! 

[#7]

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Michael S wrote:

They said the freelancer must be US based and have no accent whatsoever, the freelancer must do all the editing and production required to deliver ready-to-publish files, and stressed that they would be getting a lot of offers, so it would help your chances if you were willing to work for less than the advertised budget.

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Cllients like this pretty consistently stress that it will improve your chances if you bid less than the advertised budget.  


I've also seen several video production postings with things like "do not bid if your hourly rate is more than $2/hour", yet they want AAA-level After Effects work done.

I think people actually aren't allowed to advertise anything lower than $3 an hour. So if you see something like that again, it's good to flag it for removal. 

[#8]

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@Renata S wrote:

I think people actually aren't allowed to advertise anything lower than $3 an hour. So if you see something like that again, it's good to flag it for removal. 

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It's been a good while since I've seen one of those, but it definitely stood out in my mind.

Then there's the ones where the entire post is "Need <artist/coder/editor/admin>." and that's it. No budget listed other than the rough experience level (always a single $), no project details, no scope of use, nothing whatsoever to give anyone even the slightest idea what to bid, yet they always seem to have 50+ proposals in a matter of hours.

I've seen a few "Bigfoots" as well. These clients usually have a rush job to begin on a certain date, be done with in a certain timeframe, verified payment methods, a thorough description of the job, and a budget that's definitely adequate for the work requested. They get tons of proposals, and then they seem to vanish. The start date comes and goes, and nobody's been hired or even interviewed. They just disappear and you're left wondering if you really saw them in the first place.

[#9]

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@Michael S wrote:

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I've seen a few "Bigfoots" as well. These clients usually have a rush job to begin on a certain date, be done with in a certain timeframe, verified payment methods, a thorough description of the job, and a budget that's definitely adequate for the work requested. They get tons of proposals, and then they seem to vanish. The start date comes and goes, and nobody's been hired or even interviewed. They just disappear and you're left wondering if you really saw them in the first place.

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I've applied for jobs like this in the past. I've had some interesting work as a result of being available to handle something last-minute (sometimes the timezone aspect of things is really a bonus, especially for Aussie ladies with last-minute welding work). And if they're legit, they're willing to pay decent rates (or at least don't have any time left to go shopping). If it's legit, they just need to get the job done. So it is possible to get work from postings like this.

I always have to remind myself that what I'm seeing doesn't tell me a whole lot about context. That's what's hard. I think this mainly means that the clients are either handling a lot of projects themselves or possibly they're disorganized or possibly they're also exploring last-minute options in the "real world" as well (or my standard fallback assumption with "rush-job" clients is that I could be dealing with someone who hasn't had significant contact with the "real world" as I understand it for some time). They might have hired someone previously that they're waiting to contact.  I think it's less frustrating on the days when you've got more work coming in. But then, those are the times when you're not going to be applying for last-minute stuff in the first place.  

[#10]

What's worst is that these jobs hang on and on getting others to actually apply. They're probably hoping to get some freelancers they can talk into working off the site, but using the site to find them.

[#11]

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@Michael S wrote:

They said the freelancer must be US based and have no accent whatsoever

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Is it even possible to have "no accent whatsoever"? Aren't there all kinds of US accents depending on what part of the country you're from? 

[#12]

Makes you wish that Upwork had a "get real" button you could use to send these clients a message. Or maybe it should say "try F***r)!

Suzi

[#13]

This is why we should "never" sell ourselves short.

You protect yourself and your reputation.

[#14]

Something in from a well paying Digital Agency in California.

They have been around a while, and have good reviews. What struck me first was the 5th word in the job description, which implies that the Digital Agency is awake. Oook. Probably they meant "growing" or  "busy" or somesuch.

In addition to this oddity, they need someone well versed in email list administration, with experience managing pretty big email lists using different tools. NOWHERE in the title of the job post is this represented clearly.

Looks like another "junior" HR sort of job post.

[#15]

Just saw a post from someone who needs "rubber biscuits" in Wordpress. I'm so tempted to use some connects to send them this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX_DA2z1Yf8

BTW, does this have an actual meaning?

[#16]

Someone's looking for a business writer for a book about guaranteed strategies to make a million dollars online. It seems like they want about one strategy per page for a 50- to 60-page book.. 

Fixed Budget = $75.

That comes to about $1 a strategy when you take off the freelancer fee.

I believe clients should be more heartily encouraged to think things through before posting. Even if I only had one strategy for making a million online, would I be here looking for $75 jobs? (Okay, there's the obvious payoff of being able to laugh myself silly over ads like this... but still...)

[#17]

Hahahaha sorry for creeping in on an old post, but I’m new on the platform and I’m already dealing with the stuff you’re mentioning. It really helps to read about the experiences others have had; it makes me feel like I still live in the real world on those days when I see posts about ghostwriting a book on foreign policy for 12$ and I’m wondering if I’ve been transported to an ulterior reality. Or if there’s a hidden camera somewhere 🤣

[#18]

All-in-one Branding, Communications and Marketing Solution, looking to hire experts. Fixed price budget $50. 

I facepalmed. 

(this was an invite, sent to me by a Talent Specialist btw - double joy)

[#19]

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@Bojana D wrote:

All-in-one Branding, Communications and Marketing Solution, looking to hire experts. Fixed price budget $50. 

I facepalmed. 

(this was an invite, sent to me by a Talent Specialist btw - double joy)

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 Yes, these are always a special joy, especially since there might be 1 in the pile of 99 they send me that could potentially be useful and I don't want to miss it. Unfortunately, I missed one the other day that looked like it might have at least been worth responding to because client looked like a good contact. Even though the job might not have been a good fit, it looks like he might potentially have others that could be a better fit.

I find it hard to pinpoint what the specific talents of the Talent Specialists might be. If my assumptions are correct, I think there might be a not-particularly-bright Artificial Intelligence component attached to what the "Talent Specialists" distribute. I see a lot of stuff about machine learning applications in my work, and I think this could be similar to the "hybrid intelligence" systems I see people proposing. So in this case, I think the "Talent Specialist" might  actually be a system where an AI sorts the jobs and compares them to known freelancers based on keywords and then sends them to the "specialist" humans who review them. This is supposed to be a way making certain types of tasks more efficient.  

On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing. 

Or it could be a hybrid of both. 

[#20]

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@Renata S wrote:

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@Bojana D wrote:

All-in-one Branding, Communications and Marketing Solution, looking to hire experts. Fixed price budget $50. 

I facepalmed. 

(this was an invite, sent to me by a Talent Specialist btw - double joy)

---

 Yes, these are always a special joy, especially since there might be 1 in the pile of 99 they send me that could potentially be useful and I don't want to miss it. Unfortunately, I missed one the other day that looked like it might have at least been worth responding to because client looked like a good contact. Even though the job might not have been a good fit, it looks like he might potentially have others that could be a better fit.

I find it hard to pinpoint what the specific talents of the Talent Specialists might be. If my assumptions are correct, I think there might be a not-particularly-bright Artificial Intelligence component attached to what the "Talent Specialists" distribute.  I see a lot of stuff about machine learning applications in my work, and I think this might is similar to the "hybrid intelligence" systems I see people proposing. So in this case, I think the "Talent Specialist" is actually a system where an AI sorts the jobs and compares them to known freelancers based on keywords and then sends them to the "specialist" humans who review them. This is supposed to be a way making certain types of tasks, like for instance scheduling, more efficient.  

On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing. 

Or it could be a hybrid of both. 

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RE; On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing.

I am going with the above.  

[#21]

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@Reinier B wrote:

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RE; On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing.

I am going with the above.  

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Actually, it might sound like science fiction, but there are a few companies that have been developing this sort of stuff. This one is called "Julie Desk." It's funny, but systems like this (especially when they don't work well) really emphasize things that humans are especially good at --- handling complex information that requires discernment and critical thinking. I don't fully support this type of approach because I don't like the idea of removing any more jobs from the available pool of work. The idea that's generally used to justify development of these kinds of systems is that they're removing mundane and repetitious tasks from people's work lives, but I suspect somewhere down the line it's more about hiring fewer people to handle a higher volume of work. At least that's what I can see as a potential for companies implementing them. 

I guess we could argue whether computers are measurably worse at this than untrained humans. The offers I receive have me wondering whether the mistakes I notice are actually too crazy to be normal human ones  -- although, granted, this is an incredibly hard thing to gauge. I was once invited to interview for a job as the director of an online law school. I think I helped a lawyer out with two of her blog posts at one point, but personally, I think it's a bit of a stretch for me to apply to be the director using this experience as a qualification. Maybe I should be flattered. At least they're offering me really high-level unsuitable suggestions. 

https://techcrunch.com/2017/06/01/julie-desk-an-ai-virtual-assistant-that-helps-you-schedule-meeting...

[#22]

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RE; On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing.

I am going with the above.  

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I think this might be the most likely scenario, but after having probed the JSS issue in some depth, I'm no longer so sure things on this platform are governed by straightforward thinkers. 

People are always talking about the wonders made possible by innovative thinking. I like the idea of condicting a thought experiment to explore just how far a "hybrid unintelligence" could really take us. I used to work in a large, convoluted organization, so I know the potential is beyond even our wildest imagnings. But then again, the fallout from innovative management approaches in large organizations also fuels things like Dilbert cartoons. I guess you can't have one without the other.   

[#23]

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@Bojana D wrote:

All-in-one Branding, Communications and Marketing Solution, looking to hire experts. Fixed price budget $50. 

I facepalmed. 

(this was an invite, sent to me by a Talent Specialist btw - double joy)

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 Oh my goodness. Double the facepalm! Oh and, nice to see you in the forums again, Bojana.

[#24]

 Pandora H wrote:

 Oh my goodness. Double the facepalm! Oh and, nice to see you in the forums again, Bojana.

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Thanks 🙂 I'm around, just doing more lurking than writing these days.

And today's jewel, not for the reasons you expect it to land here. Direct quote from the job description:

"I am looking for a logo designer to put on t shirts and coffee mug."

I'm mildly concerned.

[#25]

Yes, the "Talent Specialist" invites/referrals are almost always worth some serious laughs!

[#26]

Yes, what is it they don't understand about a freelancer who is an expert???