Crazy Job Postings Part II

[#1]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[#2]

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

[#3]

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@Melissa T wrote:

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

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I occasionly get graphic design or writing jobs in my feed (pretty sure beause the client picked the wrong category.) Since they are pretty rare, I often look at them. More times then not, it's those bottom feeding clients wanting cheap, low quality labor.  Makes me really glad I'm not in either profession.

[#4]

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@Melissa T wrote:

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

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 lol ... haven't heard "suck an egg" in a long time. I think that might be a back east thing.

[#5]

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@Virginia F wrote:

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@Melissa T wrote:

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

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 lol ... haven't heard "suck an egg" in a long time. I think that might be a back east thing.

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Yeah. I'm a transplated West Coaster.  I think the vegan population gets significantly smaller the farther east you travel.  

What's the text message version? GSE or SAE? 

[#6]

And now a Developer progressive pornsite  wanted by a Bulgarian buyer. Well spotted Upwork. What will you do? Allow the client to go underground and only send out private invitations?

The job offer is quite explicit.

[#7]

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@Nichola L wrote:

And now a Developer progressive pornsite  wanted by a Bulgarian buyer. Well spotted Upwork. What will you do? Allow the client to go underground and only send out private invitations?

The job offer is quite explicit.

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Huh...I'm inclined to search for this one, just for the giggle factor.

Update: Found it. No serious verbage violations, but I would have thought this would get snagged. Somebody asleep at the wheel, or lack of training?

[#8]

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@Pandora H wrote:

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@Nichola L wrote:

And now a Developer progressive pornsite  wanted by a Bulgarian buyer. Well spotted Upwork. What will you do? Allow the client to go underground and only send out private invitations?

The job offer is quite explicit.

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Huh...I'm inclined to search for this one, just for the giggle factor.

Update: Found it. No serious verbage violations, but I would have thought this would get snagged. Somebody asleep at the wheel, or lack of training?

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 But I think this one ties in with a freelancer who was worried about signing an NDA for a progressive website . . .

A little while ago Upwork onboarded extra mods for weekend duty - there is precious little evidence of them.

[#9]

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@Melissa T wrote:

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

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Ouch. Sounds more like a fiverr gig to me.

[#10]

Ha. I saw an ad for several 1000  word articles for $2 each. Geez. It would take more than $2 for me to type my name! Then there was the 8000 word romance for $5. Danielle Steele has not been heared from.

[#11]

OK I have taken some time to paraphrase this job offer so it is not zapped.

Basics: You need to be a fluent Spanish speaker with a good command of English with a valid US travel visa (essential qualification). The job is for an internship in a startup language course (copywriting and proofreading are mentioned).

Your relocation travel expenses to Kingston TN, USA (population a little over 48,000) and from (unspecified) will be paid + housing and meals, in addition you will receive $750 per month. You will also be “allowed” to continue on Upwork as a freelancer in your “spare time”.  BTW the actual subject line of this post does not include “language course” but “packaging and order fulfillment”.

It is not specified that any of these “payments” will be effected via Upwork.

I just hope Upwork’s  BS antennae are working overtime and are as sensitive as mine.

[#12]

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@Nichola L wrote:
<snip>

It is not specified that any of these “payments” will be effected via Upwork.

I just hope Upwork’s  BS antennae are working overtime and are as sensitive as mine.

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Re: rest of your post - Wow.

BS Antennae - I would not hold your breath if I were you.

[#13]

I hope no takers! People may not realize what trouble they might get into if they work on a tourist visa. Many years ago, an Austrian catering company flew some students or such to the US to work for a catering gig, those poor suckers are never allowed to travel to the US again in their whole lives .... 

[#14]

I wonder if the sheets are free!

Suzi

[#15]

THANK YOU for the laughs!

Suzi

[#16]

They could be people deranged by the pandemic.

[#17]

That's generous of you. They can derive sustenance from eggs. 

I figured out why we have to pay for connects. it's so we don't tell off eight out of every ten clients.

[#18]

There are no perfect job providers as there are no perfect work finders in our community. Let's exercise some tolerance to imperfect members of both sides.   

[#19]

How imperfect one needs to be to post job like "looking for high-end professional, paying $5"?

[#20]

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Gerry P wrote:

There are no perfect job providers as there are no perfect work finders in our community. Let's exercise some tolerance to imperfect members of both sides.   

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Gerry, ease up a bit!  This is meant to be a lighthearted thread. Would you  be happy flying in a plane that has been monitored by an entry-level freelancer (and client)?

[#21]

I keep finding ones I can't post because what makes them crazy also makes them identifiable. Lately that's been postings with really long titles. There's a beautiful one I just found where they ask for someone who's not only a copywriter and designer but has skills in about eight other areas. And there are about 14 things listed under "other skills." Some of these are things like Ghostwriting, Print Design, Scientific Research and Proofreading.

I like the question list they give (5 questions) 

1. Do you have any questions about the job description?

Yes, are you trying to hire one person or 10? 

2. Do you have any suggestions to make this project run successfully?
Yes, you should really hire 10 people to do this job.

3. Have you taken any UpWork tests and done well on them that you think are relevant to this job?
Do you mean the ghostwriting part or the print design part or the scientific research part or the proofreading?

4. What challenging part of this job are you most experienced in?
Knowing enough not to apply for jobs like this.

5. What part of this project most appeals to you?
Not applying for it. 

[#22]

Re: long job requirments in job posts.

I see those sometimes in my feed. I ignore them.

Sometimes, these clients have a clue and say "We are building up our teams. Several positions availablable". Which is better then nothing.

On the other hand, if they can't get someone to write up a few seperate job posts, they have other problems that need to be addressesed, and probably aren't ready to build a team.

When I was a new PM here on Upwork, I interviewed with a couple of these clients. They were so unorganized it was scary.  I can't belive people this clueluess can make money.

[#23]

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@Pandora H wrote:

Re: long job requirments in job posts.

I see those sometimes in my feed. I ignore them.

Sometimes, these clients have a clue and say "We are building up our teams. Several positions availablable". Which is better then nothing.

On the other hand, if they can't get someone to write up a few seperate job posts, they have other problems that need to be addressesed, and probably aren't ready to build a team.

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 That's fair enough but sometimes I think clients are being given too much latitude for being incapable. How long does it really take to cut an paste the basic information and make as many postings as you're hiring for?


Re: When I was a new PM here on Upwork, I interviewed with a couple of these clients. They were so unorganized it was scary.  I can't belive people this clueluess can make money.

The secret to that is that they're at least smart enough to know when they need search for competent people to do things for them.

I think in way, the client cluelessness about how to post is actually effective in some way. It can send a red flag to freelancers who might be able to "read in" to what's really in store for them (i.e., weird expectations about what you're supposed to be able to accomplish, people who can't or don't want to perform or learn to perform simple technical tasks, clients who might not be available to provide detailed and specific job instructions, etc.).

Usually, what I do with this kind of post is then read the other information about the client (number of hires, freelancer feedback, presence of specific and detailed positive freelancer feedback, etc) to see if there's more than meets the eye about the client. 

[#24]

I find it especially annoying when they ask questions that can easily be answered by reading my profile...

[#25]

You made my day 🙂

Just so you know, sarcasm and proper brain usage are a no-no in these days world 😉 so we gotta be careful.