Crazy Job Postings

[andregutierrez22]

Hi all,

We have closed this thread due to its size. Please feel free to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs here.

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

[colettelewis]

In my feed today: (Apart from the fact that it is a scam)

Someone needs translators for different languages "as we are in collision with Upwork to pay immediately after work is done." 

Definitely on course for a crash!

[geri_kol]

Perhaps they meant in collusion? Either way, LOL

[colettelewis]

They wrote "collision" that is the joke (of course they meant collusion!).

[renata101]

I thought the rate looked half decent until I read the description. The task is to rewrite the book on "women's suffering since the dawn of time."

[cassajoy]

I'm still laughing over this one 🤣

[shefen]

I saw a job post the other day for a PHP Developer. It had a reasonable hourly rate and nothing in the description seemed odd. Then I noticed "Needs to hire 99 freelancers". What??

[nhansen]

I think it is a good idea to say you need more people as you may get more applicants that way as people will think they have a better chance at getting hired, but 99 PHP developers seems excessive, unless they want to give them all a paid test.

[jeremiah-brown]

Client job posts be like...

Seeking experienced widget designer, with specific experience in widget widgetry.  Must also possess 15 certifications in widgetry, widgets, and widgetrimming, as well as a license to widge with an idget.  Ideal person must be willing to come to our place of business, as you will be expected to work on the production floor for the duration of the project.  You will need to have a place to stay, such as a hotel room.  This will include widgeting with some widgetets, as well as widgetoting and widgetiting.  We also require that you tell use about all of your widgeting experience and how it relates to the other experience you may have, especially the experience that is covered by an NDA.  We would also really like you to show examples of your NDA work so that we can make an informed decision.  Please include how you overcame those challenges, and also how you receive criticism.

Pay $15-$20 hourly or $200 project.

[fb49ce2e]

This is when you need to start your proposal with “Please verify you are a human” and CAPTCHA.

[jeremiah-brown]

I have no idea how my post became a reply to Sheila F.  Evidently the moderators took my standalone posted thread, combined it here, and added it as a reply to someone else that I was never engaged in any conversation with.  

Business as usual.

[foukitina]

It seems they want paid tests..

[haasjon23]

They had 99 problems.....that needed to be fixed individually by 99 devs. Seems legit. 

[pgiambalvo]

Is it 50k per person, or per couple, or for both couples...I'm so confused.

[pgiambalvo]

Shoot, then count me out. My wife would kill me and my parents would have to change their last name.

[nhansen]

There's a job to film yourself tapping your fingers on a table either for a whole hour or livestreamed. Lots of people have already been hired for the job and have nothing but praise for the client.

[pgiambalvo]

So I am comforted by seeing fingers tapping on a table. I don't see what's so crazy about that.

[renata101]

"Violinist needed to play this melody I have in my head."

[renata101]

Someone needs a copyeditor for a "nonfixtion" book.
I can see what needs fixting.

[nhansen]

But it's "nonfixtion," which means it is impossilbe to fix it!

[pgiambalvo]

$3500 for... "In need of someone who can type from JPEGS to word and convert to PDF.

Kindly chat me on telegram." I am all over this one! Yeah, baby, I'm gonna be rich!

[2ef54d61]

Perhaps the wildest posting I've seen is where a guy had recorded his wife cheating on him secretly and wanted an audio engineer to improve the quality of the audio so he could hear what they were talking about during encounter.

wild world we live in

[pgiambalvo]

I just saw a job post that was actually legit! Woo and hoo!

[shefen]

This one is first in my feed today,

i need someone to to pick up my tires and mail them for me

Category:  "Back-End Development"

Skills and Expertise:  "moving car tires"

[25005175]

Clearly for a rear-wheel drive.

[nhansen]

I saw some sort of copywriting job where they wanted the work to have only 3-4% plagiarism. 

Every other job I have seen in the past mentioning plagiarism wants none. Standards are slipping.

[cyber_sec007]

"I need you to hack into the amazon employee network for me, we have this thing we call attendance points, and if we get 6 or more points we will get terminated and honestly I like my job at amazon and I'm not ready to get terminated yet I have 7.5 right now, I would like you to reduce it to 0"

How about showing up to work in time? 

People think that hacking is like in the tv, you push two button and all is right...but 1) its illegal 2) amazon is one of the largest tech company with insane amount of security services and protection....

[25005175]

2) amazon is one of the largest tech company with insane amount of security services and protection....

---

Wired and Reveal (Center for Investigative Reporting) partnered up to do a piece on Amazon's extremely horrible security and data protection (apart from their cloud hosting stuff - that was entirely separate).

[cyber_sec007]

Today's favorite: 

Got an invite: Develop a question bank for a popular information security certification, in the job description it is stated that two free samples need to be submitted.

JD:

" *******The first step is to send TWO sample questions*******, this will help us to understand if you have the right skills, and to understand if you want to do it or not. If accepted these can form part of your first 50 submitted questions."

I have applied to state: 

Thanks for the invite, I would be happy to develop the 2 sample questions for 80 USD, but I'm not going to submit them for free as part of my application. This is against the ToS of Upwork, and also my professional principles. If you hire me for the 2 questions for 80 USD, that is great, and after you are happy with it, we can discuss the SoW and the price of the full question bank.

Client:

So basically We are currently expanding our offerings for the professional IT certification market. Packt has a history of publishing high-quality instructional books, for people taking certifications, but the audience also needs other resources, such as practice questions and exams. We are now building out a question bank that will be used in various ways to help IT professionals prepare for an exam. You have to send 2-3 sample question for review if they were cleared we will go to next step i.e., for writing 50 questions

Me:
Yes, that is what I said, I'm not going to write 2-3 samples (at least one hour of work) for free....

happy to do it for the 80 USD that you have posted for the fixed price, then discuss the cost of writing the 50 questions.

Client:
Look buddy without sample question how would I know your work I am hiring you for the first time so It is important for me

Send me atleast 2 sample

Me:
Look buddy, I got clients paying 1xx USD/hr..., you see my profile, my creds...you invited me...

good luck..

and instantly disabled the client and withdraw the application....

[hglewis]

OMG Attila!!!

That was a rush. It was like watching a chase scene in a suspense movie.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I hate it when clients believe they are entitled to free stuff.

You rock brother!!! 🤘🤘🤘

[cyber_sec007]

He sent 24 invites, if everyone falls to this, he has got his free question bank....Just flagged it.

[sullivanliz]

Lol, replying to those 'free sample' invites really is one of life's little pleasures.

[cyber_sec007]

The golden contract of today.  I have seen the client putting out the same advert asking for consulting/ support for a specific security tool, so I have applied for the job and was hired without any interaction/interview. This was on the 10th of May.

I let the screenshot speak for itself (shortcut, the client immediately paused the contract saying input needed, after 1 week, I have asked if there is any news, and if there is no update by Friday I'll close the contract, the client blocked me on Upwork messenger, so I have closed the contract).

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

[cyber_sec007]

Today's favorite:

hi there, i want to stalk and view an Instagram account but it is privated. do you think u can hack it and give me access to all the photos, and access to view the privated account ?

the link to the privated profile that i want u to give me viewing access to is: *removed insta account*

if possible i would like to see screenshots of all the posts that is available when u have accessed the privated account.

How about not being a freak, and respecting others' privacy by don't ask for illegal activity on a freelancer platform? Upwork should have a huge banner/pop-up warning users not to post jobs that are against laws and regulations, also I would immediately refer such job posters to the Feds for investigation/tracking. These are not scammers just stupid persons thinking 1) this is something simple 2) they are at an illegal "hacker for hire" website.....

[cyber_sec007]

Today:

Just want to back my own money. A person Whose name is Manish who cheated on me and take my  5000 rupees . I just want my money back and nothing else.

While I feel sorry for the poor fella, I really don't know what this sort of guy is thinking, what will happen? Rocky Balboa will apply to the job, and collect the money himself? Kevin Mitnick will use his social engineering skills to talk the money back?

[battershall-ramo]

We repairing cars fast

Content Writing

Posted 1 hour ago

Worldwide

Works feom home im the my mechanical idustry alone

So if  you've got a car in need of repair anywhere in the world, be sure to send it as an attachment on Upwork.

[martina_plaschka]

---

Ramon B wrote:

We repairing cars fast

Content Writing

Posted 1 hour ago

Worldwide

Works feom home im the my mechanical idustry alone

So if  you've got a car in need of repair anywhere in the world, be sure to send it as an attachment on Upwork.

---

Darn, the upload isn't working and support isn't answering. All while the car is rusting away in my garage! Bad bad customer service all around. 

[cyber_sec007]

Hi Razvan.

       So I’m currently in a bad spot right know and it’s not my fault. I also didn’t do anything to deserve what is happen to me.  I have 2 bench warrants and they wanna put me in jail for something I didn’t do. I need these  to go away as fast as possible. I know I’m asking a lot but my hole future is riding on this. If I’m caught I’ll be locked up for a month or more.  But none of my crimes are criminal crimes.  

              Second I have a child custody battle that I need one of 2 things. I need my court order changed. Or I need access to all my ex wife’s still cell numbers emails whatever you can get me in.  

  But my warrants are most important.

Remark: for me this is very annoying and disturbing to see so much illegal activity requested, when I try to help legitimate companies to get secure, be compliant....Upwork allowing such job posts making itself looks life a sh*tshow

[martina_plaschka]

---

Attila H wrote:

Hi Razvan.

       So I’m currently in a bad spot right know and it’s not my fault. I also didn’t do anything to deserve what is happen to me.  I have 2 bench warrants and they wanna put me in jail for something I didn’t do. I need these  to go away as fast as possible. I know I’m asking a lot but my hole future is riding on this. If I’m caught I’ll be locked up for a month or more.  But none of my crimes are criminal crimes.  

              Second I have a child custody battle that I need one of 2 things. I need my court order changed. Or I need access to all my ex wife’s still cell numbers emails whatever you can get me in.  

  But my warrants are most important.

Remark: for me this is very annoying and disturbing to see so much illegal activity requested, when I try to help legitimate companies to get secure, be compliant....Upwork allowing such job posts making itself looks life a sh*tshow

---

But none of my crimes are criminal crimes.  

No, of course not. Maybe criminal-ish at most? Precious!

[cyber_sec007]

I love this one, it is not crazy stupid, but still unusual. If I would in logistics, I would love the challange.

Logistic way fresh fish from Venezuela to Poland

Hello,  I need to transport fresh fish from Venezuela (any airport) to Poland, Warsaw. For me the best way would be rent a air container (like in attachment) full fill it by fish with ice, and send by air cargo. Delivery fish to the Venezuelan airport is on me, same receiving from the airport in Warsaw is on me. I need transport minimum once a week.  Pleas find the best way for my fish.