Crazy Job Postings

[#1]

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

Here's something I saw tonight:

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

One word: Sheesh!

[#2]

That was awesome...

[#3]

Something wrong with that client..

ok.

But What the heck is wrong with those 4 contractors who applied for that job?

I wonder who's that SB finally got hired.

Very bad and unprofessional.

[#4]

Hi Isabelle Anne,

I am not able to find the posting you referred to in your post so it probably has been removed from the Marketplace already. If you are still able to access it, please flag it or send a link to it to me in a private message and I will make sure it's removed. It is totally inappropriate. Thank you!

Note, that I had to remove the screenshot for Community Guidelines. 

[#5]

Sorry my fault! I guess I'm not allowed to attach screenshots of job postings. I must have forgotten/missed that in the community guidelines.

EDIT:

Hi Valeria,

I remember seeing that post more than a few weeks back. I just took a screenshot because I thought it was hilarious (and terribly inappropriate of course). And as somebody had already been hired, I didn't know if I should flag it or not. I assumed that the job poster had an agreement with the freelancer they hired/they had known them for some while. Will flag in future, thanks!

[#6]

Ew. That means the freelancer probably sent nasty pics to get hired. 

Ew. And sad. And ew again. 

[#7]

But how could they tell?...

No misspelling and grammatically error. Once plagiarism, misspelling and grammar error be catch work will automatically be rejected and be removed in this job without notice.

[#8]

Ok, I'm going to be careful here not to violate guidelines, there's a job posted a few days ago that asks for a WordPress theme to be developed so that the client can sell it at a large theme marketplace. The budget for this job is barely what it costs to buy 2 themes at this very marketplace. So, if a freelancer actually created a theme good enough to sell there, then the client is making pure profit after he sells this theme to 2 buyers, minus whatever percentage you pay to the marketplace site.

The job's still open, freelancers! There's a handful of applicants already but only 1 has been interviewed.

[#9]

---

@John K wrote:

Ok, I'm going to be careful here not to violate guidelines, there's a job posted a few days ago that asks for a WordPress theme to be developed so that the client can sell it at a large theme marketplace. The budget for this job is barely what it costs to buy 2 themes at this very marketplace. So, if a freelancer actually created a theme good enough to sell there, then the client is making pure profit after he sells this theme to 2 buyers, minus whatever percentage you pay to the marketplace site.

The job's still open, freelancers! There's a handful of applicants already but only 1 has been interviewed.

---

Morally, I think that's bad. However, I'm not clear on the ToS in this matters. If the client has documentation that transfers ownership of freelancers theme to said Client, then the client is free to do whatever with it.  At least I think that's how it goes.

I've signed agreements to hand-over anything new I created on behalf of clients, but 9 times out of 10 it's something propriatary that only the client can use.

[#10]

Don't all rush at once...

You will have to rewrite in English 10-12 articles that I'll give you and then create at least 10 slides for every article. Our budget is 5 dollars.

[#11]

How about 3-5 page WordPress websites for $10, and deliver by Mar 4, 2015. Good news is it's "simple and basic", just couple of forms and a slideshow.

13 freelancers have applied, one with a rate of almost $40, so I guess this can be done in 15 minutes.

[#12]

---

@Ramon B wrote:

Don't all rush at once...

You will have to rewrite in English 10-12 articles that I'll give you and then create at least 10 slides for every article. Our budget is 5 dollars.

---

That's not a budget...it's a dollar store shopping spree!

(I'm gonna use that next time I get a lowball invite)  

[#13]

I received an invite a few days ago to write 5000 word books for $50. I actually accepted the interview and told the client I would need a minimum of $300 to write a book of this size and that depended on the topic and how much research I would have to put in.

His counter offer--$275 for the first book and the $5 for every book after that. He wants to do (in his words), a volume deal.

I told him thanks but no thanks.

[#14]

The world turns upside down. Finally, an article job poster with reasonable requirements! 

Create 3 Small Articles of around 120 words each - Native English Speakers ONLY - Newbies Welcome! Fixed Price - Est. Budget: $5 - Posted 11 minutes ago Hello, We need a few writers to create small articles of around 150 words. Must have PERFECT grammar and spelling. English Native Speakers only please. Newbies welcome. We pay $5 for the 3 articles. I will leave 5* review and a recommendation on your profile. Thank you!

[#15]

Are you being serious, Ramon? Even mentioning feedback as an incentive to apply for a job is against the spirit, if not the T&Cs, of the site. The client should give five-star feedback if the job done deserves five stars, and he/she cannot possibly know that till it's done. It would have been better if the price was higher and feedback not mentioned.

[#16]

No, this one seems fair, it's better than the usual..

5 1000 word artices for $15

No freelancers from....

Must be available from...

Must had the perrfect grammer ans speling

No time wasters

No agencies

IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THESE CONDITIONS DO NOT APPLY, I WILL REPORT YOU TO ODESK [never really understood how they can do that] AND GIVE YOU BAD FEEDBACK!!!!!

(N.B Not a real post overworked moderators)

Yes, this job is still badly paid, but it requires a lot fewer words than most of the article jobs, and at least the client is courteous and has a good understanding of English themselves.

[#17]

Customer Service for an Agency (changed wording so I was not copying from a job, but this was an actual job avg rate of pay was $3.00 per hour)

Oh I am going to run out to work for these guys right now! NOT!

PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE JOB POST BEFORE APPLYING.

Rate: What the client offers it will depend on. We take $2 off of it so if the client is offering $7, you will be paid $5. $1 goes into our expenses and our company earns $1 per hour.

Can someone do the math on this one 😛

[#18]

Yeah, so this isn't a job posting ... but here's the exchange:

I responded to a post asking for a 120-page work of fiction. I put in a bid slightly under his budget of $2,000.

The posting, by the way, said "Expert pay -- willing to pay higher for quality and experience" or whatever that little tagline says.

I get a response. The deal is close to being signed (not close ... but getting there) and the client writes that he needs to discuss this with his partners. That's fine. Then a couple of days later, he writes, "Would you be willing to do the project if it were for 240 pages instead of 120?"

I wrote him back two words: "Certainly. Absolutely."

A day goes by and he writes back, "Will that still be for the $1,800 you bidded before?"

That's a quote .... a direct quote. 

Can you beat that?

[#19]

re: "Can you beat that?"

If you want me to beat that, I could offer you $1600 for 360 pages.

[#20]

Virtual Assistant Job

$1/hr - 5* Feedback

Experience wanted 

Wordpress Experience (creating post, editing existing post for on Page SEO, adding images

Google Docs

Promise of pay increase and long term job 

Sorry For all those skills I would need at least $2 an hour 😛

[#21]

But they're promising an increase (though it might take a couple of years to work up to the $2 mark...)

[#22]

There's a job post I saw and got invited a few weeks ago which is:

I need 4 freelancers,Whom are strictly  in deadline any more, I do not see who born or die 2.Time to time delivery 3. No spelling error,grammar error,Copy Scape pass is a must,4. If time wrong me inform Odesk (only time),5.High communication , I am to exactly say when you are working as a full time.Thanks

I got an invitation, the budget was $200, so I accepted. the employer send me two attachments without a message first. this contained passport copy his, from two angles. I go back to odesk to respond and I see his message, which went somehting liek this 'I want to make moeny online'.

I just ended the contract and moved on, but then the skype id has been shared already, so that went for another round of blocking. All this happened after a series of (oddly 2 days) tryin to converse ith this perosnn. I was fair as I thought he would. But now, just LOL

[#23]

Thank you for your post, Geomaria. That was like a beautiful dissonant symphony.

[#24]

I need about 55 pages translated asap!

ONLY APPLY IF YOU CAN WORK THIS WEEKEND

Deadline: Monday

Budget: 200USD

Do clients like this have a slight idea of what  translating means...?

[#25]

They might be very small pages...

[#26]

No, most probably they never translated a page in their life. I mean, it's not like it's impossible to do those pages in two days, I know I did once, but of course, it depends how many errors you are willing to accept....or how many hours of sleep you can function with...