Crazy Job Postings Part II

[#1]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[#2]

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Suzi E wrote:

Yes, what is it they don't understand about a freelancer who is an expert???

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All clients  want "expert" for the lowest prices - of course they do and they try it on, and what is more they will get it (sort of) because despite the hike in the price for various services, it is not going to make any difference to the wannabe freelancers who wager their last cents on getting a job on Upwork (but who will not stay the course). It's a sort of challenge that has nothing to do with the  lasting, expert services that come at a price from genuine freelancers.  

[#3]

Thank you for the giggle. I once did a survey of previous clients (an informal thing) and what I discovered was that they wanted $3000 worth of services for $300 or less.

[#4]

Perhaps these Talent Specialists are CS team members who got promoted. Take that any way you wish. <wink>

Moving right along to series of job posts (same client every time), that I am just SICK of seeing.

Client is a NY company involved in merchent processing for a BIG Pharma brand that has been posting the same job for months now. In recent weeks, the number of new posts about the same job has skyrocketed.

I have NO IDEA why they can't seem to hire anyone for this position. They pay well, it sounds like a gig with a lot of opportunity, and they have good reviews. If any client who ends up in my feed needs help from Upwork Recruiters, it's THIS client. (and hence, why I combined two topics into this post).

More then once I've been tempted to bid casually to one of these jobs, and ask them what the deal is. But that's not my place, so meh!

Edit: Clarity

[#5]

Wow, just wow.

My job feed is filtered to show only US jobs, but occasionally, something slips through.

Found this UK listing today, and wow, interesting AND crazy.

UK business (appearing to be quite the large company to boot), has several jobs open related to translating a BUNCH of "adult" <cough> dating sites into different languages. Now I have no issue with this, and understand this is quite the booming business in recent years (adult dating sites, as apposed to social dating sites).

None of the job posts have content that would violate the Upwork TOS, and in general the job descriptions are quite good. So, interesting client and business. Pay rate seems decent, though I didn't bother to convert to USD.

But the crazy part is that they use Basecamp. Now, I know a lot of clients use it, and for some TINY businesses, that's ok. But if you have more then 3 employees/team members and hire remote freelancers, Basecamp is bottom of the barrel. Lacking in a bunch of features including advanced data security (my number one pet peeve about PM tools), I would not recommend Basecamp to any business. Certain individuals, maybe.

No wonder a lot of the BIG PM tools have built-in tools to migrate task data from Basecamp...AND Asana, which Upwork says is a hot skill this quarter. I used to recommend Asana, but haven't for a long time.

:facepalm

[#6]

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@Pandora H wrote:

Wow, just wow.

My job feed is filtered to show only US jobs, but occasionally, something slips through.

Found this UK listing today, and wow, interesting AND crazy.

UK business (appearing to be quite the large company to boot), has several jobs open related to translating a BUNCH of "adult" <cough> dating sites into different languages. Now I have no issue with this, and understand this is quite the booming business in recent years (adult dating sites, as apposed to social dating sites).

None of the job posts have content that would violate the Upwork TOS, and in general the job descriptions are quite good. So, interesting client and business. Pay rate seems decent, though I didn't bother to convert to USD.

But the crazy part is that they use Basecamp. Now, I know a lot of clients use it, and for some TINY businesses, that's ok. But if you have more then 3 employees/team members and hire remote freelancers, Basecamp is bottom of the barrel. Lacking in a bunch of features including advanced data security (my number one pet peeve about PM tools), I would not recommend Basecamp to any business. Certain individuals, maybe.

No wonder a lot of the BIG PM tools have built-in tools to migrate task data from Basecamp...AND Asana, which Upwork says is a hot skill this quarter. I used to recommend Asana, but haven't for a long time.

:facepalm

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 I hate Basecamp.

Ugh.

[#7]

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@Kat C wrote:

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 I hate Basecamp.

Ugh.

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 Thank you!

[#8]

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 

[#9]

saw the same one...could only shake my head.

[#10]

Well this is just short of making a website telepathic. For a whopping $200.

"Automatically Update Weebly Website with Content from Email or SMS.

We have a Weebly website and want to be able to automatically update content on it's pages directly from emails that we generate."

[#11]

as i am a programmer I know It is possible  why do you think it is not a possible?

[#12]

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@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 

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 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .

[#13]

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@Nichola L wrote:

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@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 

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 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .

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I don't EVEN want to ask.  But to clarify the koozie thing, it's a US term for can covers (that insulate, and/or can be used for marketing (logos, etc).

And koozie is a hack on the older, and not much used anymore word cozy, which in product terms referred mostly to teapot covers and occassionaly to cup covers (usually teacups). The picture I posted of a teapot cozy is actually like 5 years old. Most folks under 35 years old have probably never heard of a teapot cover.

[#14]

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@Nichola L wrote:

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@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 

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 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .

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Was that on the US/UK What's the Difference test? According to Wikipedia and the BBC, "Winkie" (proper noun) was  an award-winning carrier pigeon, who could also have been quite cozy in the koozie. But I believe you're referring to that other thing (as in Wee Willie), aren't you?  

[#15]

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@Renata S wrote:

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@Nichola L wrote:

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@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 

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 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .

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Was that on the US/UK What's the Difference test? According to Wikipedia and the BBC, "Winkie" (proper noun) was also a carrier pigeon, who could also have been quite cozy in the koozie. But I believe you're referring to that other thing (as in Wee Willy), aren't you?  

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 😉

[#16]

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@Nichola L wrote:

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@Renata S wrote:

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@Nichola L wrote:

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@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 

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 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .

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Was that on the US/UK What's the Difference test? According to Wikipedia and the BBC, "Winkie" (proper noun) was also a carrier pigeon, who could also have been quite cozy in the koozie. But I believe you're referring to that other thing (as in Wee Willy), aren't you?  

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 😉

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 Oh lawd, save me now. <cough> I admit it. For once in my life, my mind was in the gutter.

[#17]

Job: Re-write some old romance novels - approximately 8000 - 9000 words long. ALL words in the story to be rewritten, so that no sentence is the same (changing only one or two words not good enough). 

Budget: $20

[#18]

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@Ravindra B wrote:

Job: Re-write some old romance novels - approximately 8000 - 9000 words long. ALL words in the story to be rewritten, so that no sentence is the same (changing only one or two words not good enough). 

Budget: $20

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Uh, rewrite all words in the story? Does it say what the difference is between that and writing a new one?  

I wonder if these guys from MIT might be able to develop the romance novel version of the SciGen Automatic Paper Generator. Apparently, they got some of the papers they generated with this published. I think the same principal would probably work for romance novels. 
https://pdos.csail.mit.edu/archive/scigen/

[#19]

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.

[#20]

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@Renata S wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.

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 You are joking, right? Please say your joking!

(I bet she isn't. Romance genres have changed (and gone in some crazy directions) in recent years).

Note: I do not read this genre, but I do pay attention to the Fiction industry in general.

[#21]

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@Pandora H wrote:

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@Renata S wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.

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 You are joking, right? Please say your joking!

(I bet she isn't. Romance genres have changed (and gone in some crazy directions) in recent years).

Note: I do not read this genre, but I do pay attention to the Fiction industry in general.

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I'm pretty sure this is what I saw, although I was slugging down copious amounts of espresso this morning. 

Do you think I could make something like this up? 

Actually, I can understand the need for alternatives to bestseller offerings like "50 Shades" in certain spiritual/religious communities. I think it might be that the e-book niches are getting much more refined, although I haven't yet seen a posting for Amish werewolf or vampire fiction. 


 

[#22]

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@Renata S wrote:

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@Pandora H wrote:

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@Renata S wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.

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 You are joking, right? Please say your joking!

(I bet she isn't. Romance genres have changed (and gone in some crazy directions) in recent years).

Note: I do not read this genre, but I do pay attention to the Fiction industry in general.

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I'm pretty sure this is what I saw, although I was slugging down copious amounts of espresso this morning. 

Do you think I could make something like this up? 

Actually, I can understand the need for alternatives to bestseller offerings like "50 Shades" in certain spiritual/religious communities. I think it might be that the e-book niches are getting much more refined, although I haven't yet seen a posting for Amish werewolf or vampire fiction. 

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 No, I did not think you made this up. I was just like wow, seriously? Not to mention, Amish culture is very anti-anything that does not fall into their own little religious corner. Which is incredibly conservative, when compared to mainstream American culture.

So, needless to say, Amish people are not going to even read this sort of material. For that matter, I doubt Christans would either, for similiar reasons. So who in the heck is the target audience for this sort of niche, I wonder.

[#23]

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@Pandora H wrote:

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 No, I did not think you made this up. I was just like wow, seriously? Not to mention, Amish culture is very anti-anything that does not fall into their own little religious corner. Which is incredibly conservative, when compared to mainstream American culture.

So, needless to say, Amish people are not going to even read this sort of material. For that matter, I doubt Christans would either, for similiar reasons. So who in the heck is the target audience for this sort of niche, I wonder.

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 I'm not sure who the target audience for Amish romance would be other than Amish people, but it's possible that it might have broader appeal than anyone would assume. It might have some sort of cross-over appeal for groups that have similar values about marriage. Maybe if you have an Amish author, then this might appeal to Amish readers (although I really wonder if sitting around reading romance novels is something that's particularly encouraged by this community). Or it might even appeal to non-Amish readers who are looking for something a little different, like an exploration of a different culture. It's hard to know. Maybe it's just in an early experimental stage. It just caught my eye because I never would have imagined a niche like that existing.

[#24]

One of my best friends is ex-Amish. (She is featured on the PBS series about leaving the Amish.) In addition, I was raised in an area where there are many Amish and Mennonite families. I happen to be fairly familiar with the culture -- about as familiar as a non-Amish can be, without being married to an ex-Amish or being a scholar.

The Amish are discouraged from reading fiction of any sort. Romance books would be considerd to be a waste of time.

Amish romance novels are definitely a "thing," however. The target audience is an older group of females who are looking for "Little House on the Prairie"-style books with a dash more adult content, but definitely rated no more than PG. The typical request is for "sweet Amish romance writing."

[#25]

OK, this is my new favorite thread today. 

1) Janean, that show was amazing. I have a bit of an interest in folks who leave exclusive relgious communities (I'm from PA so I get the whole Amish and Mennonite thing, and I live in Brooklyn and have friends who are ex-Hasidic), so I watched it entirely rapt. 

2) Renata, now I'm really hoping that the Talent Specialists are Cylons. 

[#26]

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@Melissa T wrote:

OK, this is my new favorite thread today. 

1) Janean, that show was amazing. I have a bit of an interest in folks who leave exclusive relgious communities (I'm from PA so I get the whole Amish and Mennonite thing, and I live in Brooklyn and have friends who are ex-Hasidic), so I watched it entirely rapt. 

2) Renata, now I'm really hoping that the Talent Specialists are Cylons. 

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1) I'm intrigued by it too, since seeing the series. I'm in Montreal and there's a Hasidic community here that lives in an area of town that's now gone trendoid. So a bit of a weird cultural collision is happening there. Although I have met a Hasic grandmother who's an absolute hoot, I don't know that much about the community. When you encounter anyone from that community, they don't really interact. I once rescued some little kid's ball when it rolled into the middle of the street because I had a feeling he'd run after it. He was about 3, maybe. and I just told him to stay where he was while I ran to get it in the middle of the street. His mom, who saw the whole thing, didn't say one word to me. 

2) Melissa, I can't tell you how I know that, but when I started to think about how random the stuff I'm getting is, the hybrid unintelligence theory completely took hold of my brain. Those referrals are way too insane to be the result of any sort of normal unassisted human unintelligence.