Crazy Job Postings

[#1]

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

Here's something I saw tonight:

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

One word: Sheesh!

[#2]

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@Steve B wrote:

Thanks Pandora for your kind comments on my profile.  I'm still working on the "brevity" part:-)

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 Who needs "brevity" when you got that kickass profile? I read it all, and while there was stuff I didn't understand (my fault), it was impressive. 

[#3]

Pandora perspicaciously penned:

And, on a personal note, your Profile just literally oozes "I know what I do, and I am good at it". Without being arrogant or too "salesly". If I could give Profile kudos for it's level of professionlism, I'd give one to yours.

Ray replied

Uh oh you've opened up a veritible...no i won't say it. but i'd sure like a critique on my profile, how much do you charge for profile consulting, P

[#4]

My two cents is your Profile is great Ray! 

If you really want a perspicacious 3rd party Profile review I'm happy to provide one no charge via phone or Skype call. Since you are a neighbor a few miles to the South!

I don't check PM's very often (I may see it, or it may be 9 weeks;)) on here but I am easy to reach via **Edited for Community Guidelines**

Steve B

[#5]

Really that would be awesome Steve and i would be happy to return the favor in some way in which i can be of assistance to you! You might be looking at my old address in santa cruz, I've moved to santa rosa so now i'm on top haha! I'll look for you on Abraham Linctoln haha!

[#6]

just saw a jobopening looking for citizenship by marriage...hide everyone!!

[#7]

i sent you a PM Ray.

[#8]

Just three four things:

- 10.000 words from English to Spanish

- 2 days to be completed

- 10$ 

- People actually bid and the client is interviewing more than one person.

[#9]

How to Justify an Underpaying Job 101

"I currently have a tiny budget and I am aware of this but I will become a millionaire very soon."

[#10]

I've seen some quasi-legit, walking on a tightrope clients in my time on Upwork, but this is about the worst of example of bait and switch that I have seen yet.

The job headline caught my eye, and the job description was suitably detailed. Lots of hires. Lots of reviews. Average hourly pay, not great, but have seen worse.

Then, at the very bottom of the job description, I see a reference to ONLY paying new hires their full hourly rate after the first 30 days.

So then I go and look at the job history. I look at it again, and..one more time.

Every single hire (and lots of repeat hires for the same job) in the last two years lasted maybe 2 months. Most 30-35 days, many less then that.

It's bad enough to see a client like this, but it's really appalling to see people bidding for these jobs.

Edit 2: Heard back from CS. They didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but did answer my main question. Upwork apparently sees this as a legit client. Which is what I expected. But looking deeply at their job history, I see something else going on. Ah well. Maybe they just can't the right people, but that's not what it looks like.

Edit: Got up the motivation to send in a ticket. Since I included questions, I might actually hear back from CS eventually.

[#11]

oh dear..anyone feeling spiritual? A spiritual guide is requested..at an outragous rate..soemhow i think poster watched one episode of EMPIRE to many....

[#12]

I'm a Community Guru, does-it count as a spiritual guide ?

[#13]

Yeah Rene I'm voting for you as Spiritual Guru of this epic Upwork thread... you've got that Guru look going too! 🙂

Just don't ask us to drink the Kookaide, OK?

[#14]

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@Steve B wrote:

Yeah Rene I'm voting for you as Spiritual Guru of this epic Upwork thread... you've got that Guru look going too! 🙂

Just don't ask us to drink the Kookaide, OK?

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 Lol Steve - that was a helluva long time ago!

@ René

René, I have one for you. Today in my "10 new jobs for you" - I saw someone looking for a proofreader who is "affluent in French and English"  . . .

[#15]

@Steve

Epic is right! I was away from the forums for a long time and when I came back was shocked how big this thread had gotten. With the exception of some of the huge threads regarding various update announcments from Upwork, I think this might be the biggest thread in the forums.

"Post Police at your service" could be our motto. J/K. I am sure Rene could come up with something much better.

And on topic, I found a massive job description today in my feeds today. The client has been around for a while. What really bugs me about this one is that they included an email for contact at the bottom.

AND the kicker - The job was approved by the Admin Support Team Builder Upwork team, and went live 2 hours ago. Which means, in theory, the job had a special set of eyes on it before it was posted.

[#16]

Hi Pandora, 

Could you please email me the link so I could check and share it with our team?

[#17]

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@Vladimir G wrote:

Hi Pandora, 

Could you please email me the link so I could check and share it with our team?

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 Done.

[#18]

Hi Pandora,

I've communicated with you through private messages and just wanted to confirm this job wasn't approved before it was posted, as Team Builder jobs follow the same procedure as regular jobs. Our team does review these jobs once they progress to another stage or in case they are detected by the system.

This job was addressed by our team following your report and we'll follow up with the client to inform and assist them further.

[#19]

Thank you for that clarification, Vladimir.

I really did think these posts got "extra screened" for some reason. Now I know better.

[#20]

Holy Jumbo, mother of cow! Why would someone work for Bananas?

[#21]

I cannot understand how it is that a client who has spent over $10,000 at an average of $23,18 an hour, suddenly thinks he/she is entitled to post an rfp for women (only) over 50 (the job is genuine I think) for an honorarium of about $60 through Paypal and not Upwork.

It makes you wonder how many times the client has hired on Upwork against the number of times off site.

[#22]

This one just came across the wire:

CEO requires personal assistant; duties include HOUSEKEEPING...

hopefully all of us don't just jump in our car at once and jam up the freeways!...

[#23]

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@Steve B wrote:

This one just came across the wire:

CEO requires personal assistant; duties include HOUSEKEEPING...

hopefully all of us don't just jump in our car at once and jam up the freeways!...

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 Hmmm! Did the client have good/bad/any job history? Does the job state if they actually need ah...on-site help?

[#24]

This client is "payment unverified", "less than $100 spent" status.

It appears to be a real post, major US City.  There are business duties, but it also involves "Grocery Shopping" and "Ability to anticipate and prioritize needs"... there is a bullet list of about 20 ideal skills:)

[#25]

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@Steve B wrote:

This client is "payment unverified", "less than $100 spent" status.

It appears to be a real post, major US City.  There are business duties, but it also involves "Grocery Shopping" and "Ability to anticipate and prioritize needs"... there is a bullet list of about 20 ideal skills:)

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 Meh, sounds like phish, female "companion" or some other scam. Seen those a few times myself. thanks for the details.

[#26]

I'd like to hire a manservant who will help me stay in top shape mentally and physically by randomly attacking me to help me hone my martial arts prowess. But I don't know if I can do that on Upwork.