Aditi,
I agree that you need to come across more professionally. That crossed my mind even before I noticed that was the type of advise you requested.
First, if you want to come across professionally, I would not start your write-up saying, "Hey." That is very casual sounding. It's how you might greet a friend, not a client.
I also don't recommend saying you were looking for a part time job to supplement your lifestyle. This already sounds like you are first interested in your own plight and you'll think about your clients after that. It should be the other way around, but you really shouldn't tell people why you are doing this, anyway, beyond saying, "I am doing this to help you."
Let's go back to the concept of "professionally." If you were truly to sound professional, you would have a specific service you are offering and you would know the end-point of what the client will gain from your services. To do that, you would simply say, "I am an food development expert who can _______________________________."
You don't really say what service you are selling or what results clients can expect, you just say, pretty much, that you are good at a few things. You have to say, "This is what I am an expert at doing. This are the problems I can solve for you. This is how you will gain from hiring me, be it make more money, concentrate on other parts of the business, go on vacation, establish a popular restaurant ... whatever those gains might be."
You say you are excellent at food development and then say you excellent skills at MS Excel, Word, and PowerPoint. But you should not come across as though you were fishing around for something to do. A professional doesn't say, "I am excellent at food development and, by the way, I also know how to park cars." If you want to come across as a professional, choose the service you are going to offer, then drive it like you own it.
I also tell folks, pretend you've been doing this for 10 years. Professionals know every angle, every possible glitch, every problem that may arise. If you're an amateur, you might say, "Boy, I didn't see that problem coming." If you're a professional you have to sound like, "I have seen all the problems that come around and I'm prepared for them."
That's how to sound more professional.
That said, if you develop receipes, for example, you can already anticipate one huge problem that, as a professional, you would have address ahead of time. That is .. how are you going to work your trade remotely? Do you have access to ingredients? Do you have a kitchen or a laboratory at your disposal? A professional anticipates problems. You know those problems are staring you in the face. So your profile should say, "I have an industrial kitchen to work from ..." Or "I already have arrangements made for use of a laboratory ..." Again, simple enough, professionals anticpate problems. They never, ever answer a question like this, "Gee, I guess I didn't think of that."
Good luck.
