Solved: Re: Crazy Job Postings - Page 41

pandoraharper · ‎02-23-2015

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

Here's something I saw tonight:

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

One word: Sheesh!

AndreaG · ‎02-14-2022

Hi all,

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

~Andrea

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mwiggenhorn · ‎05-21-2016

See? He even needs help with the name.

blastofflabs · ‎05-21-2016

but remember, Patricia -- they have to qualify as "Crazy" to be listed here!

yitwail · ‎05-21-2016

What's the opposite of a Platinum tier client? Tin tier? I challenge the reader to find a cheaper client.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

shub_k · ‎05-21-2016

Hey John,

Challenge accepted 😄

Found a job posting as below:

Our organization is looking for long term article writers. Pay rate will be 50 cent for first 50 articles, and will rise to 2 dollar an article if the quality is right from there. Each article will be at least 700 words long. We will rate all the applicants. We have a lot of articles to write, so you can always have work!

Jokes aside, the sad part- There are 11 applicants with 7 invited to interview. What are you gonna do with 50 cents pal?

blastofflabs · ‎05-21-2016

At some point John some (great example, mr. generosity there!) fall off the bottom tier and become "Kryptonite grade" clients... or just old fashioned "Fertilizer grade":)

yitwail · ‎05-22-2016

Someone hire me quick so I stop wasting time looking at drivel, like this: (how do you make a landing page magnetic anyway? someone have javascript to create an animation that induces eddy currents in the screen or something like that?)

2 days ago I announced I was going to change 5,000 lives for the better in 30 days. I want the entirety of my web presence to reflect that. Because the promotion ends June 19, that gives me until then to update my site. So what I need right now is an attractive magnetic compelling landing page that exploits the offer and captures an email.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

carpenter-will · ‎05-22-2016

Well, you gave me my morning laugh. Only 4,999 to go!

noirre · ‎05-22-2016

"2 days ago I announced I was going to change 5,000 lives for the better in 30 days. I want the entirety of my web presence to reflect that. Because the promotion ends June 19, that gives me until then to update my site. So what I need right now is an attractive magnetic compelling landing page that exploits the offer and captures an email."

I wonder if he'd be ready to change my life for the better by paying me handsomly for doing all the copywriting for his web presence. If he pays me well enough, I'd throw in a translated Finnish joke on the house.

yitwail · ‎05-22-2016

Project kick off

That's it -- it's both the title & the description of the job. There are 10-15 applicants. Client specified $$$ Expert but paid $4.44/hr for his/her only hire.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

blastofflabs · ‎05-22-2016

This one is a personal job "invitation":

Interview for: INVESTORS

Dear Steve,

I am Dr. C___ A___ from Brazil, I have a business to discuss with you that could be of a mutual benefit to us.

Kindly get back to me with my email address below.

Best regards,

Dr. C___ A____

{includes direct email address)

--

Gee, sorry Doc -- I only invest in NIGERIAN projects

yitwail · ‎05-25-2016

From another fine $5 project: Please send me a detailed proposal with the exact time to complete the project, with a Compensatory Damages if you do not finish the website on time.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

blastofflabs · ‎05-25-2016

Suitable punishment? Horsewhipping (with a $5 whip) and all of your future Upwork projects get a 40% commission taken out and sent to client?

numbsain · ‎05-26-2016

"Here's a general class of crazy job postings I can't figure out:

The clients who want you to write an entire ebook for a ridiculously low price. Who is actually taking these jobs? Why? You would probably make significantly more just putting it up on Kindle yourself."

Yeah or better yet just tell that client, "hey buddy you know what you can do with yer job? you can take it and put it right up yer kindle!" Hah! that's tellin' 'em!

kmhernandez · ‎05-26-2016

Any takers for this one?

"Record the voice. Looking for someone to record the voice of scary demon of the app."

Job description: "It is an application for the child's upbringing. When user use this app 1.Child won’t listen to parents. 2.Ogre scold the child. 3.Children will regret. ... We are looking for someone to record the voice of scary demon of this app. ▽Detail ・Please record the voice at your home."

That "Children will regret" sends chills down my spine-- maybe the demon voice can just say that phrase... LOL

I think I outdid the Chewbacca-mask Facebook video lady with how hard I laughed at this one!

colettelewis · ‎05-26-2016

That chewbacca lady made my week!

But that job proposal, IMO is pretty borderline - How to traumatize your kid for the rest of time.

kmhernandez · ‎05-26-2016

I know! And they call it a "child upbringing" app?? Who ARE these people?

prestonhunter · ‎05-26-2016

I actually use a real ogre to scare my kids. Much more effective.

numbsain · ‎05-26-2016

Bwahahahahaha! YES!! yes I want this job master! Please master? I want it! Oh how i want it, Hyaaahahahahaa! I love sca-a-a-a-aring the little children master! I love to see them cringe and shudder with fright! HEHEHEHEHEHE!!! Please let me do the job master!? Just let me out of this cage! I won't eat the children, I promise! Ill only SCAAARE them! HAHAHAHAH YES monster love scaring! Oh but master? If they die of fright then can i eat them? It would be a waste of a perfectly good child not to, master! Please????!!!!!!!

kmhernandez · ‎05-31-2016

@Ray C wrote:
Bwahahahahaha! YES!! yes I want this job master! Please master? I want it! Oh how i want it, Hyaaahahahahaa! I love sca-a-a-a-aring the little children master! I love to see them cringe and shudder with fright! HEHEHEHEHEHE!!! Please let me do the job master!? Just let me out of this cage! I won't eat the children, I promise! Ill only SCAAARE them! HAHAHAHAH YES monster love scaring! Oh but master? If they die of fright then can i eat them? It would be a waste of a perfectly good child not to, master! Please????!!!!!!!

Ray, can we hire you to write our proposals?

battershall-ramo · ‎05-26-2016

Aren't there already plenty of these on YouTube?

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

yitwail · ‎05-27-2016

@Ramon B wrote:
Aren't there already plenty of these on YouTube?

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

You mean Upwork mods edit YouTube now? That's amazing!

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

yitwail · ‎05-29-2016

Very simple & straight forward job, MUST BE cheap. Use this as a chance to get some good feedback for your profile.

At least it only specified Intermediate ($$) ****

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

Anonymous-User · ‎05-30-2016

A student and entrepreneur who is currently completing his degree wants to publish a "small" book (100 - 150 pages!) on Excellence and High Performance. As he is in the middle of business school and travelling around the globe he will not have time to do it himself. So he looks for a freelancer to do this job for him.

colettelewis · ‎05-30-2016

There was another one yesterday. Someone looking for a first-rate editor and proofreader (at entry level). Client was looking for the right fit to give plenty of work to and . . . if the editor/proofreader did well, he or she would be "upgraded" to being a writer!

prestonhunter · ‎05-30-2016

"...he or she would be "upgraded" to being a writer!"

Being upgraded is always a good feeling.