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pandoraharper
Member

Crazy Job Postings

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

Here's something I saw tonight:

 

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

 

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

 

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

 

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

 

One word: Sheesh!

 

 

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
andregutierrez22
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

2,171 REPLIES 2,171
suznee
Member

Customer Service for an Agency (changed wording so I was not copying from a job, but this was an actual job avg rate of pay was $3.00 per hour)

 

Oh I am going to run out to work for these guys right now! NOT!

 

 

PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE JOB POST BEFORE APPLYING.

Rate: What the client offers it will depend on. We take $2 off of it so if the client is offering $7, you will be paid $5. $1 goes into our expenses and our company earns $1 per hour.

 

Can someone do the math on this one ๐Ÿ˜›

 

Yeah, so this isn't a job posting ... but here's the exchange:

I responded to a post asking for a 120-page work of fiction. I put in a bid slightly under his budget of $2,000.

The posting, by the way, said "Expert pay -- willing to pay higher for quality and experience" or whatever that little tagline says.

 

I get a response. The deal is close to being signed (not close ... but getting there) and the client writes that he needs to discuss this with his partners. That's fine. Then a couple of days later, he writes, "Would you be willing to do the project if it were for 240 pages instead of 120?"

I wrote him back two words: "Certainly. Absolutely."

A day goes by and he writes back, "Will that still be for the $1,800 you bidded before?"

That's a quote .... a direct quote. 

Can you beat that?

re: "Can you beat that?"

 

If you want me to beat that, I could offer you $1600 for 360 pages.

suznee
Member

Virtual Assistant Job

$1/hr - 5* Feedback

Experience wanted 

Wordpress Experience (creating post, editing existing post for on Page SEO, adding images

Google Docs

 

Promise of pay increase and long term job 

 

Sorry For all those skills I would need at least $2 an hour ๐Ÿ˜›

But they're promising an increase (though it might take a couple of years to work up to the $2 mark...)

ceidauilyc
Member

There's a job post I saw and got invited a few weeks ago which is:

I need 4 freelancers,Whom are strictly  in deadline any more, I do not see who born or die 2.Time to time delivery 3. No spelling error,grammar error,Copy Scape pass is a must,4. If time wrong me inform Odesk (only time),5.High communication , I am to exactly say when you are working as a full time.Thanks

 

I got an invitation, the budget was $200, so I accepted. the employer send me two attachments without a message first. this contained passport copy his, from two angles. I go back to odesk to respond and I see his message, which went somehting liek this 'I want to make moeny online'.

I just ended the contract and moved on, but then the skype id has been shared already, so that went for another round of blocking. All this happened after a series of (oddly 2 days) tryin to converse ith this perosnn. I was fair as I thought he would. But now, just LOL

Geo Maria George

Thank you for your post, Geomaria. That was like a beautiful dissonant symphony.
sarapiovesan
Member

I need about 55 pages translated asap!

ONLY APPLY IF YOU CAN WORK THIS WEEKEND

 

Deadline: Monday

Budget: 200USD

 

Do clients like this have a slight idea of what  translating means...?

They might be very small pages...

No, most probably they never translated a page in their life. I mean, it's not like it's impossible to do those pages in two days, I know I did once, but of course, it depends how many errors you are willing to accept....or how many hours of sleep you can function with...

2 hour ago

write 298 profiles on cat & dog breeds.

average approximately 425 words with a minimum of 375 words and a maximum of 650.

Each profile will contain 6 headings.

writer must then also provide a rating out of 5 for each 

Fixed - $2000

I've actually seen the dog and cat reviews posted before - maybe a couple of months ago.  Guess he/she didn't like the freelancer they hired!

Oh well, I expect they'll survive...

 

 

 

you have toread the attachment very carefully and then send me back i will reject all who will not read the file. I WILL REJECT ALL WHO SEND ME WITHOUT VIEW THE ATTACHMENT !! Good luck


@Ramon B wrote:

Oh well, I expect they'll survive...

 

 

 

you have toread the attachment very carefully and then send me back i will reject all who will not read the file. I WILL REJECT ALL WHO SEND ME WITHOUT VIEW THE ATTACHMENT !! Good luck


Ramon, please do not think this is a slam on your lanuage skills if the answer is no, but is that direct from the job description? If so, said Client really really really needs to hire a professional job post writer. Eeesh.

 

Also, this thread has been become very interestesting! My 2 clients are keeping me busy and I can't visit the forums everyday, but this thread is a total scream. Thanks to all of you contributing!

suznee
Member

Got to love this one Sales Professional Make $1000s per month.

 

Will start at $2.00 to $2.50 per hour

Eeek 10 hour days 7 days a week...

Commission if you make sale.

 

Lovely job.

ago_g
Member

I have seen some nifty job posts. One of them I got was to create multiple ways to KILL a newly made game character. That IS the most fun making money I ever had!! I would have completed that job faster if I wasn't so busy laughing my asterix off the entire time!! Smiley LOL

 

The real oddball part is how so many clients will post a job looking for writers and at the same time do their level best to make sure to point out that they want someone with perfect english skills. Despite the spelling and gramar nightmares their own posts cause!! Smiley LOL

 

I can certainly understand that english may not be the client's native language on many occacsions. And sure, my own english isn't  100% perfect, first time every time and without doubt, without question. But I see some posts insisting that a freelancer's english must be perfect or your application litterally gets ignored. So much for working with grammar and spell checks from MS Word (or others)!!

 

One such job post was pointing out that they see these mistakes in profiles and applications a lot. And they are correct in saying that this does happen a lot. Yet, their own job post (looking for a gaming writer) clearly has the mistakes in it that they were pointing out!! Because I am an article and game guide writer I applied. It was just to try it out and see if I can get that job too!! I couldn't help but point out their mistakes in my application!! hehehehehe They want to point it out? Ok, my turn!! Sure, I CAN do the job posted. It would have been a nice job to have by my thoughts. But this is one of those times where I wasn't overly concerned if I got it. Mostly I just wanted to return the point out!! hehehehe

 

But many job posts I have seen lately get really out there sometimes!! Do this, that, and 200 other things all in perfect english and all 100% orginal work. Pay = $5 for everything......  reply = what the what?!! Smiley Surprised 

 

At what point did a client think it was a good idea to offer next to nothing and get everything they're asking for handed to them by someone bowing in front of them?!! And yet, those kind of posts show up all over the place. I can understand a client  wants quality work done, but the least they can do is offer a decent / fair pay for it. That, and check the topic before requesting 100% original work. A simple goolge search could have easily told any client this before requesting original work!! There might be very little to no chance of actually getting anything near original work on a given topic. Writer jobs being the case here.

 

I'm thinking the heavy duty crazy comes from job posts saying things like "we need article writers ASAP" or something similar. That's all.... nothing else. VAGUE MUCH?!! Sure, I really WANT to apply to a job that gives no initial details, has no rating for the client, or much of anything else for information about the job. Sound like an informed decision to anyone?!! If it does, I have a bridge for sale!!  Hurry while supples last!! hahahahahaha

I occasionally apply to vague jobs as a form of optimism over experience; they're vague for a good reason!

I just saw a job that was advertising above market pay. It was a writing job so I wasn't that interested but I was interested just to see what they thought the market rate was.

 

Apparently, above market pay means $35 for 5000 words.

 

The client thought this was a good deal since he claimed the oDesk market only pays $25 for 5000 words.

 

How would someone even find this out? Although, I assume the guy is just pulling figures out of his nether region to justify paying such a paltry sum.

They know that there's always someone needing that first review, the bounders. I wrote two extensive reports for $25 a time when I started out, then switched to editing as soon as i got the 5 stars!

It never fails to surprise me that on fixed rate jobs, the vast majority of freelancers bid the full amount of the client's budget. I usually bid a bit lower--it's one obvious way to differentiate yourself from the other applicants. It costs me a little out of pocket and I suppose it could even backfire if the client takes that as a sign that you don't consider yourself as well qualifed as other applicants, but if I were the client, I would appreciate the courtesy of being asked for a bit less.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

Quite often I bid low, but only on a high -budget job to bring it down to my actual normal price. The scenario is often a newish client not quite sure what to charge, and pitches quite high (no harm in that). There is the inevitable flurry of bids exactly matching  (judging by the stated average) the high budget - like seagulls around a fishing boat. I charge my going rate (with maybe 120% mark-up) and explain that although it's signoficantly low, I'm not trying to undercut, but that really is the sensible going rate. This tactic often works, and I know I'd be less successful by being greedy.

Sometimes i do also bid lower on fixed type job

I saw a nice typo today. Somebody wants an editor/proofreader with good business "acruem" . . . this is short for accrued acumen. ๐Ÿ™‚

I think you've had too much already smokey! @__@

 

 

I need a 12,000 word eBook to be polished and edited. This is a cannabis cookbook with fictional comedic filler. Gig pays 10 dollars, firm.

1) Fill in the missing words...

 

"This is a media ****** class where I am required to write a 4-6 page paper on an ******* dilemma that is related to media. Here is what all must be included.

 

So s/he wants a class paper written for them. The subject (missing words)?

 

ethics / ethical

 

Smiley Frustrated

 

2) and for the higher end of the market:

 

"We are looking for someone to extract a 10-15 page peer reviewed article from a 250 page dissertation in the next 8 hours."

 

Hiow long does it take to properly read a 250 page dissertation, let alone write about it?...

 

the words 'media ethics' certainly aren't something you'd generally associate with online work!

 

Unless you added 'lack of' to the sentence of course! Smiley LOL

If the definition of 'ethics' is loosened to include 'situation ethics', then there may not be any contradiction in paying someone to write a term paper on ethics. Cat Tongue

 

(situation ethics in the loosest sense might imply that it's only cheating if you get caught)

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

I mentioned this job offer to my partner, who had an entirely different perspective: suppose this is a 'sting' of sorts, and the 'client' has no intention of actually hiring anyone to write their paper, but is only soliciting applications as part of research for the paper? I'm not sure that would be entirely ethical, but law enforcement does this all the time in the US, anyway, taking on false online personalities to apprehend would be cyber criminals.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

John,

 

we're nervous enough on here recently about what we should or shouldn't apply for and what the implications might be...now you've just added another dimension   Smiley Frustrated

Stephen,

 

Sorry, I was just trying to cover all the bases. Try visualizing whirled peas.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

Or odesk itself starts creating unethical jobs to check that everyone adheres to its guidelines?


@Stephen B wrote:

2) and for the higher end of the market:

 

"We are looking for someone to extract a 10-15 page peer reviewed article from a 250 page dissertation in the next 8 hours."

 

Hiow long does it take to properly read a 250 page dissertation, let alone write about it?...

 


They might be very small pages...

๐Ÿ˜›

 

Probably 250 Post-it notes

This was actually self-promotion in the jobs section, but it made me laugh...

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have perfomed mystery shppoing( public transport) and have god command of english

Just found advert for Writing Ambassador--that's possibly a euphemism for  writing English papers for Chinese students. (Writing ambassador sounds better than academic ghostwriter)

 

Some of the applicants are interesting, but they're all listed as 'Initiated by Client'--2 of them are programmer/developer types--I guess they're polymaths.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

Yes, I don't think 'initiated by client' means much in itself. You often see people on $50+ an hour being sent invitations from overoptimistic clients for jobs which are really going to be more like $1 an hour!

re: "I have perfomed mystery shppoing( public transport) and have god command of english"

Wow!
I wish I had "god command of English."

I wonder what that's like.

I wonder if he speaks like Thor... Or if it means he has the same level of English language ability that God has...but if that is the case, would that mean that God doesn't know how to use English capitalization, spelling and grammar properly?

He also claims to work as a 'proofred' and in a Job Center. If the first one sounds unlikely, I can totally believe the second. (Unless his standard of literacy rendered him overqualified to work in a UK Job Center, of course.)

he probably got red in the face from all that proofreding.....

I would imagine English would be a second language for God.

 

I reckon that's going to take more than a proofread!

 

 

 

Budget $10 Proofread a 1600 Word academic essay - I want it to reach distinction standard. You will have at least a masters degree(distinction). PhD or higher preferred.
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