Crazy Job Postings

[pandoraharper]

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

Here's something I saw tonight:

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

One word: Sheesh!

[numbsain]

I really should have checked especially now that Macron is the new leader of the free world. but i figured i had already offended all the French people with my stupid French accent so there was no hope for me anyway.

Thanks Nichola! ihink i got all the typos hahaha!

[colettelewis]

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@Ray C wrote:

I really should have checked especially now that Macron is the new leader of the free world. but i figured i had already offended all the French people with my stupid French accent so there was no hope for me anyway.

Thanks Nichola! ihink i got all the typos hahaha!

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Hey, I love you and your posts!  You should see the number of times I have posted a pink smiley face for the things I have written in the forum.

[ravi_iitian]

Beta reading of a 250-page novel: $5-8.

Light proofreading a 250-page novel: $20.

[colettelewis]

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@Ravindra B wrote:

Beta reading of a 250-page novel: $5-8.

Light proofreading a 250-page novel: $20.

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When I see jobs for "light proofreading", even if the budget is marginally higher, my heart sinks - sinks even lower when I read the samples that are sometimes attached.

[ravi_iitian]

“You have to make sure sentence structure and spelling is correct and provide 500 words of feedback of what you thought of the story, comments on plot/character development, where it can be improved, etc.

“The pay is a flat fee of $1 per 1k words and we cover the fees on top of that.”

[numbsain]

sentence structure: pretty good, spelling : i've seen worse, grammar: grammerly thought it was okay. Plot: eh. typos:

just one, you left out a few zeros on the budget.

[numbsain]

Nichola, being the darling she is, wrote:

Hey, I love you and your posts!  You should see the number of times I have posted a pink smiley face for the things I have written in the forum.

Well you are  just the sweetest! Thank you so much. I can't tell you how honored I am that a proofreader would see past my typographically erroneous deeds and appreciate my humourous (hopefully) contributions to the forum. Next time i need a novel proofread guess who will have the dubious honor? $100 per page enough? With my generous use of typos, mispellings, mispuncuations and butchering of the English language in general, probably not but we'll work something out. And to show my appreciation I'll never attempt a French accent again. Love you too!

Ray

[zoomconcepts]

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@Janean L wrote:

Someone needs a "French Interruptor."  (Expert at it, too!)

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Waiting for Rene to confirm that he's received this one too 😄 

[dickson10]

Seriously, why do the majority of client look for cheap labour like it's some kind of a **Edited for Community Guidelines**? 10,000 words for just 70USD... Jeez! this is worst than **Edited for Community Guidelines**

[ahammed_farid]

I think there is 50-50,, but most of the clients are looking cheap freelancers that's right, it's their choice, we can't change clients choice

[jk_david]

Because they can. It's unethical and immoral to ask people to write 10,000 words for $70. Hell, it's immoral to hire someone write 2,500 words for less than $15. But that's exactly what happens, and there's nothing we can do about it. It's the client's choice to make the offer... and... people on the edge of desperation, need that $15. (Fifteen bucks goes for a lot outside of North America, I hear.) So they accept it... and the wheel keeps spinning.

[29222b7b]

Hi,

As someone who is in the middle of paying two freelancers for projects and just finished paying another one, I can somewhat empathize with both sides. Somewhat! Lots of folks are on tight budgets or are just scraping by themselves, and then many clients can get addicted to the cheap labor here... unfortunately it becomes a race to the bottom. However, were it not for the internet (which enables this kind of behavior) most of this work would be unavailable to freelancers. Def a bittersweet thing, eh?

I disagree with your phrasing of your complaint.... you might be frustrated, but mentioning **Edited for Community Guidelines**? Come on.

[ravi_iitian]

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@James G wrote:

Hi,

Lots of folks are on tight budgets or are just scraping by themselves, and then many clients can get addicted to the cheap labor...

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 Tight budgets: No.

 Addicted to the cheap labor: Yes.

 I had a client who was making plenty of money, but he was mean and stingy.

[ravi_iitian]

“xxx blogs written and although they passed the ‘grammarly’ test, they do not pass the ‘English human’ test.” 

[wendy_writes]

Thieves - one and all. "Rewrite this book so I can put my name on it".   ARGH - and reported with every single box checked 'cos U can not be bothered to put the words "STOLEN" or "Requesting Plagiarism" in the menu.

In all honesty - U's lack of attention to something so needed is far more galling than the twit wanting the work done.

[jcullinan]

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@wendy_writes wrote:

Thieves - one and all. "Rewrite this book so I can put my name on it".   ARGH - and reported with every single box checked 'cos U can not be bothered to put the words "STOLEN" or "Requesting Plagiarism" in the menu.

In all honesty - U's lack of attention to something so needed is far more galling than the twit wanting the work done.

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I could not agree more! Also requested - effective flagging of obvious spam from the search results list page instead of having to visit the individual job page, plus menu items for "Posting not in English," or at the very least, "Terms of Service Violation" with a text box!!!

[prestonhunter]

re: "Rewrite this book so I can put my name on it"

Depending on the book, this might be perfectly legal and not a violation of Upwork ToS at all.

[jcullinan]

For $100, firm, client wants 300-400 pages laid out in InDesign, using a provided template, text and images, no "design or creative thinking" necessary. The interview questions include "What is the keyboard shortcut to insert an image in Indesign" and other basic, easily Google-able, how to use the program stuff.

Deadline: Friday.

At least 10 people have applied.

*headdesk*

[sivavranagaro]

Among many precious skills s/he asks for:

"Ability to quickly and accurately read, comprehend and summarize/rewwrite source material on widely varied, complex technical subjects ranging from hard science to business management, medicine, engineering and more"

Don't people go to universities for that? I mean, who on Earth has an ability to comprehend complex hard science, quickly? **Edited for Community Guidelines**

[wendy_writes]

The  latest thief ...

and U continues to make it next to impossible to report a RFP for what it really is.

**Edited for Community Guidelines**"

I have the not-so-subtle feeling the text book contributors and the publishing org. would be less than pleased.

ARGH - 

[datasciencewonk]

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@Wendy C wrote:

The  latest thief ...

and U continues to make it next to impossible to report a RFP for what it really is.

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

I have the not-so-subtle feeling the text book contributors and the publishing org. would be less than pleased.

ARGH - 

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 I'm so glad everyone keeps this thread going.

It makes the upswing in recruiters contacting me (non-Upwork related) seem a bit more enticing.

LOL...

[kochubei_valeria]

Wendy and Kat,

We'll have this job reviewed and actions taken if necessary.

Thanks

[wendy_writes]

Valeria, please note: I did NOT attach a live link ... and "rewriting a textbook" is not propriatary ... although the contents I'm sure are.

[quijibo]

"500-600 words max per article. Looking for 25-40 articles. I WILL PAY $3 per Article. "

Pretty pathetic already... but then we get to the proposal questions:

You will be asked to answer the following questions when submitting a proposal:

Give me a one word answer on why I should Hire you over all of the other applicants?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Would you rather Eat chocolate flavored poop or Eat poop flavored chocolate?

Anyone interested in this wonderful job? I can send the link over if you need it

[tirmizi_zeeshan]

The translation scammers 

You'll see a job posting for a translation job. They claim that they've worked with big companies like Nokia, Microsoft etc. Then when you apply for job, they want you to fill a form on their website, fill NDA, do some sample work and then dissappear. The scam part is they divide the work in parts and give it to freelancers as sample work. After getting work, they fly sppedier than a rocket.

Do not fall for translation scams and when they ask you to fill a form and samples, immediately report them to Upwork. Asking for free work is against TOS of Upwork.

[VladimirG]

Hi Zeeshan,

Regardless of the MO used in scam schemes, freelancers can easily avoid questionable jobs by following our ToS and working only after the contract has been created and Payment Protection requirements met. We've shortlisted the main points and shared them in this thread.

[colettelewis]

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@Vladimir G wrote:

Hi Zeeshan,

Regardless of the MO used in scam schemes, freelancers can easily avoid questionable jobs by following our ToS and working only after the contract has been created and Payment Protection requirements met. We've shortlisted the main points and shared them in this thread.

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Since Zeeshan appears to have reported the job, I imagine he is pretty aware of other scams here. Rather than having his wrists smacked, I am sure he would have liked to know that Upwork has taken some action against this client?

[VladimirG]

Hi Nichola,

I believe Zeeshan shared a warning about a recurring job post rather than a job post itself, which I had checked before replying. My post is intended to explain that focusing on specific details isn't necessary since these can vary and take on different forms, and pointed all users to the factors they need to pay attention to when communicating with prospective clients. I also communicate with Zeeshan via pm's and trust he received my advice in the manner intended, seeing he's a new Upwork user.

[sivavranagaro]

Hahah, I got another crazy job invite. You can guess, s/he uses lots of caps lock. 

Especially funny was to see how s/he wrote "5,000,000,000.00 trillion dollar industry".

Hahaha, what number is that? Quintillion?

[ravi_iitian]

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@Vesna M wrote:

Hahah, I got another crazy job invite. You can guess, s/he uses lots of caps lock. 

Especially funny was to see how s/he wrote "5,000,000,000.00 trillion dollar industry".

Hahaha, what number is that? Quintillion?

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This has to be a violation of the TOS: who on earth has that kind of money? 

[VladimirG]

Hi Vesna,

I found the job you're referring to and reported it to our team. Thank you for the heads-up.

[ravi_iitian]

You need to be fluent in English … ability to accept payments in US dollars/Canadian Dollars using paypal.com …

[wendy_writes]

Bwahahahahaha -

Me thinks the U. algorithms need some tweaking ...

[kochubei_valeria]

Ravindra, thanks for reporting. We'll take care of that job.

[ravi_iitian]

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@Valeria K wrote:

Ravindra, thanks for reporting. We'll take care of that job.

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Do you need the link, Valeria?

[kochubei_valeria]

No need, Ravindra. I was able to find it using clues in your post. 

Thanks!

[ravi_iitian]

These are from U.S.-based clients (not posted from mobiles):

1) I'm looking to have two to articles written and may have a need for requiring/editing as well.

2) Hello! Innovative ****** startup looks for a copywriter to spell check and adopt writhing style of the announce to US native (business/technical) language. 

[mwiggenhorn]

"writhing style" - must be quite an announcement!  LOL

[ravi_iitian]

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@Mary W wrote:

"writhing style" - must be quite an announcement!  LOL

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Pole dancing? 

[yitwail]

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@Ravindra B wrote:

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@Mary W wrote:

"writhing style" - must be quite an announcement!  LOL

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Pole dancing? 

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 Or maybe it's for a Lewis Carroll theme park, featuring reeling, writhing, and fainting in coils.